Red vs Blue: A New Leader
by Sergeant Church
Summary: It's been six months ever since the end of the Meta. Now a new leader will rise, but not as expected!
1. Chapter 1

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 1: SMACK

I don't own Red vs. Blue

It has been six months since the end of the Meta, and Tex. Church is gone, Agent Washington is with the blues. Off the bat, everyone assumed Wash to be the new leader…but they were wrong, oh, so wrong

6:30 am

BEEP, BEEP! Wash's alarm clock rang as he turned it off. He yawned and stretched. He got up, looking at himself in the mirror, his black hair wasn't really so messy, but he couldn't find any gel. His green eyes looked around his room. He put on his now blue and yellow armor and stepped out. He smelled something burning as he ran toward the kitchen, to find a sleeping Caboose. And a burning pan.

"Oh my God!" Yelled Wash as he put it out.

Caboose woke up, he rubbed his blonde hair and looked up.

"Hi Agent Nevada!" He said cheerfully

"It's Washington, Jesus Christ, Caboose! You could have set the base on fire!"

Caboose got up and put some ashes on two plates.

"It's bacon!"

"Caboose, why are there three plates?"

"That one's for Tucker, but he doesn't get any because he's stupid!"

A crash was heard as Tucker stepped in the kitchen.

"God, I almost tripped on that thing! Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow! What's for breakfast?"

"Here." Said Wash giving Tucker his plate

"I just lost my appetite!"

"Hello?" Came a voice

"Yeah""Um, it's Joseph Church, I'm suppose to be the new leader of Blue base."

"Yeah, come in."Someone came in, but he was about a quarter of the size of them!"You're…."Tucker began

"Yeah…a kid.""How does a kid work at Command?"

"Because I was Church's nephew and due to my combat experience, I'm better than Agent Washington! He died.""Yes, we heard.""So, you can call me Sergeant Church, or Master, or King, or Sir!

Wow! You guys eat breakfast late!" "What do you mean?" Asked Caboose

"What time do you wake up?""Six thirty."

"WHAT! You should be waking up at three! NO BREAKFAST FOR YOU!" He said kicking the table, knocking the plates off.

"Get outside and do one hundred laps around the base!"

A HALF AN HOUR LATER

Washington completed another lap."Great what's your face! You're done!"Caboose ran after him.

"Seventy five!"

Then came Tucker out of breath

"I…I can't do it!""Um…number 1" He said

"Time to raise the bar!"

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Tucker screamed in pain as Joseph…I mean Sergeant Church whipped Tucker!"Oh my God!" SMACK!"You raciest! I'm not your slave!""Of course not, you're not black, are you?"After a long silence

"You're black…oh well." SMACK!

A FEW HOURS LATER

Sergeant Church laid dinner out in front of everyone. It was some white weird stuff."What's this?" Asked Caboose

"Tofu.""Toenails, YUCK!""Not toenails! TOFU!""Do we have anything to mix this with?" Asked Wash

"No! Remember when I took all your weight. You're all fat.""This… is Hell." Said Tucker

SMACK!

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 2: Mr. Brick

I don't own Red vs. Blue

They woke up at three, 100 laps, ate soy toast and eggs…and tofu. Practiced for six hours.

Sergeant Church sat down.

"Let's lay down some rules." He said taking out a brick

"This is Mr. Brick, he'll pay a visit to your head if you piss me off, that's all.""What's your name?" Asked Caboose

SLAM! Mr. Brick slammed against his head.

Tucker and Wash backed up,

"Am I clear?""Yes, sir!" Said both Tucker and Washington

"Name…" He said pointing at Tucker.

"Private Tucker, sir!""Your name…" Pointing to Wash

"Um…Private David Consanza!""Alright…" He said writing on his clipboard

"Um…Tucker, you take sniper. Go to the top of the base and kill any reds near."Tucker grabbed the sniper and left.

"Um, Consanza, take patrol in front of the base."He turned to Caboose."Guard the inside!"

7:34am

Sergeant Church came up to Private Consanza,

"Um, Private Consanza?""Yes, sir?"

"Where would be the best place for some nuclear devices?""Well, there's the crashed pelican, I remember your uncle saying there was a large amount of nuclear radiation.""Thanks." The Sergeant said before jumping in the man cannon.

Wash was there, alone with his thoughts,

"Why…would he need a nuclear device?"

8:04am

Joseph…I mean Sergeant Church came back with some barrels, full of green substances. He pushed them inside the base.

12:34 am

Tucker turned in his bed,

_God! What is that kid doing? _He thought

KABOOM!"Experiment 231-G failed. Experiment 673-F successful. Sorry 231-G" The Sergeant said before Tucker heard a gunshot and a non man like scream.

"Well… the ghouls seem to be more successful. The bomb is ready."_Bomb?_

A door opened as Tucker heard footsteps across his door.

All of a sudden his door opened as Wash stepped in."Tucker…did you hear that?"

"Yeah… um….Wash what are ghouls?"

"I don't know""Oh my God, your both gay." They heard a voice behind him.

They turned to see the Sergeant,

"Oh my God…""No, we're not gay…"

"Yeah…SURE you aren't" He said sarcastically and left whispering

AT RED BASE

"Simmons, wake up!" Came a thick southern accent

"Hm, Sarge? What is it?"

"I saw the new blue team sergeant near the crashed pelican""So?"

"So? That means two things! The blues are still at war with us! And there building a nuclear bomb!"

"Sarge, it's probably a coincidence.""Yeah, maybe I'm just paranoid."He got up and walked to the door…

"Simmons…. Get the jeep"

"Sarge…we don't have a jeep.""Well…get a freelancer one!"

Sarge left

"Oh my God!" He said getting up

2:56am

"Sarge…I'm tired!" Grif said

"Shut up! Or you'll die in your sleep!"

"Sarge, I didn't get a chance to put on my makeup!" Donut complained

(I'm just going to add him)

"Shut up! ATTACK!" They were right in front of the base when a flashlight was in front on them.

"Um…can I help you?" Asked Sergeant Church

"Why are you all awake now?""We wake up at three now" Wash answered.

"Hi, Caboose!" Said Donut

"Hi Donut!" Caboose responded

"Sleepover at Friday?"

"Yeah!"

"WHAT! SLEEPOVER! HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP CABOOSE!"

SLAM! A brick slammed against Sarge's head.

"Blue team….ATTACK!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 3: Can't We Just Talk This Out?

I don't own Red vs. Blue

KABOOM!"Can't we just talk this out?" Asked Grif hiding behind the destroyed Warthog.

"NEVER!" Sergeant Church replied

KABOOM

Wash shot a turret at the destroyed Warthog.

Donut ran to some cover, shooting his Assault Rifle, they ducked.

"Suck it, Blues!" Yelled Sarge

Wash started shooting at the rock that Sarge was hiding behind.

Simmons threw a grenade, hitting the base.

"You diabolical Blues!""You retarded Reds!"

"You diabolical Blues!""You retarded Reds!""Are you sure we can't talk this out?" Asked Grif

"SHUT UP!" Both Sarge and Sergeant Church yelled

"You never like my ideas, but when it comes to Simmons, oh no, his ideas are the best!" "You diabolical Blues!""You retarded Reds!"

"You diabolical Blues!""You retarded Reds!"

Caboose threw a grenade, almost hitting Simmons.

Tucker shot his Battle Rifle.

"DIE!"

Sergeant Church went inside the base…"It's time for my new experiment!"

Church sprang into action, getting a pistol.

"A pistol?" Asked Tucker

"No!"

He shot it, as a dozen small bullets shot, they exploded as if they were a dozen grenades.

"It works! Now this assault rifle should work too!"Church shot bullets that blew up, repeated fire.

"Wow! If that works! This turret should work now!""Advance! In the opposite direction!" Sarge yelled as the red team ran

"You'll never escape!"

The blue base's top opened up, to see a large group of missiles, Church pushed a button, as all the missiles launched.

"Run for your life!"

"Die, you Reds, DIE!" Yelled Sergeant Church as he laughed crazily

"Sarge, are you SURE we can't talk this out?"

They all hid behind a rock, until the missiles ran out.

"Whew, we're safe!" Donut cheered

KABOOM!

"I have a large armory of these experiments!" Yelled Church

BOOM, BOOM!

"Costanza! Take the turret! Tucker, get the Grenade Assault Rifle, I'll get the laser needler, and Caboose…. DON'T TOUCH **ANYTHING!"**

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!

Grenades and laser needles shot around them!

"That's it! I'm getting outta here!" Yelled Donut and ran

All of a sudden, needles shot up his back, melting his armor, he fell.

"Surround them!"

The Blue team looked behind the rock, no body was there!

They looked at Red Base, seeing the Red Team run inside.

"Ah, forget them! Get the pink girl!""You mean guy" Said Wash

"He's a MALE!"

Tucker and Caboose grabbed him up.

"Well, well. What's your name? Little girl?""Um, I'm a man, and your needles are melting my skin!""So what? I had my legs blown off at Reach! These are mechanical! Tell us your deepest secret!"

"Um, I'm Franklin Delano, or Donut. My deepest secret, um… I like men.""No, what? Not YOUR deepest secret, by your, I mean your team!""I'LL NEVER TELL YOU!""Fine, take him to the torture chambers!""We have torture chambers?" Asked Tucker

"No, I built them!"

RED BASE

The three entered the base.

"Oh my God, they got Donut!" Said Simmons"So what?" Said Grif

"Let's just go to sleep!""Why Grif, you're so lazy, you won't even TRY to help him!" Sarge said

"Eh, what else is new?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Chapter 4

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 4: The Hostage

I don't own Red vs. Blue

The Blue Team waited outside the doors, listening to Donut's screams.

"Oh, we haven't even began, yet!" Said Sergeant Church and the noise of a drill came.

"TELL ME!"

RED BASE:

"Alright then men…well, man…Simmons, you're the only one here…Grif's a traitor! Where is he anyway?""Eating chips while watching TV""Alright…doesn't matter! Let's discuss our plan to save Donut!"

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Sarge and Simmons were in front of Blue Base.

"Excuse me?"Tucker popped out.

"What?""Can we speak with your Sergeant?"Tucker left, in a few seconds

"What do you want?" He asked "Can we have Donut back…""Fine….if we can take Simmons.""How about Grif?" "No…"

"Fine!"

"But we get someone!""Fine…Caboose.""No…Constanza!""Goodbye""Fine, fine!"

"And money!"

At the end, the reds walked away with Donut, and Caboose, and the blue's got Simmons…and three hundred bucks.

As the Reds were walking away…Sarge noticed something…

"We lost Simmons!"

BLUE BASE

"Well…Simmons…..TELL US YOUR TEAM'S SECRETS!""Never!""Come on…your gonna make me do this….Costanza….drill!"

"No…no…no…no…NO!" Screamed Simmons.

"Tucker, Caboose…armor!"They took off Simmons armor, his glasses shined in the light.

Church started up the drill…and stuck it in his leg.

"AHHHH!" He cried

RED TEAM

They walked inside the base.

Grif was asleep on the couch, popcorn spilled all over him. Drooling all over himself.

"Grif, wake up!" Sarge said, punching him

Grif woke up.

"Hm, what is it?""We rescued Donut.""Ok, where's Simmons?""Blues got 'im""Can I get his room?""No!"Grif went back to sleeping.

Donut decorated his room, and Sarge polished his shotgun.

Caboose…was eating cookies.

SARGE'S ROOM

Sarge was laying on his bed, watching TV on the Red Network

"Now, in Red News. The Battle of Standoff has been won! But sadly, we lost many people!""At least we killed those dirty blues!" He said

BLUE BASE

Sergeant was torturing Simmons, Tucker making dinner, and Wash was watching TV.

This battle was in halftime, but Simmons is about to fess up a secret…so shocking! That it could change the course of the War FOREVER!We will tell you this secret….right now. Sarge's computer password is 'password'

A FEW HOURS LATER

"Wow, that's what he told you?" Wash asked

"And that there are bombs under the base, we could use for our advantage!"

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Blue Team was ready to kill the Reds.

Sargent started a speech

"Alright men, today! Is the day, we will win the battle! On the Blue Network, it will say

'Battle of Valhalla!Won by Blue Team!'

Can you see it? A victory, a future! For Blue Team! God Bless Blue! .Blue!

Many will die, mostly the blues, and Caboose if we 'accidentally' kill him! Now, any questions?"

"Um, we only have three people." Said Wash

"Of course! Experiment 735-J come on out!"

A mutant twice the size of Washington came out.

"NOW TO BATTLE, CHARGE!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. Chapter 5

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 5: Can't We Talk This Out? II

I don't own Red vs. Blue

"Attention Red Team! This is your sworn enemies, the Blue Team! Surrender now, and we might only torture you!" Sergeant Church yelled in a megaphone!

"We'll never surrender to you Blues!" Sarge yelled back

"Fine, we'll just kill you!"

"Alright! We surrender!" Grif yelled

"Grif! Shut up!" Yelled Sarge

"There will be no distractions to have us not kill you, this time!"

Donut came up and whispered in Sarge's ear."

Um…can't we talk this out? Maybe something so we're both happy!" Sarge said

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well… if you leave forever, I'll give you back Caboose, and give you Donut and Grif!"

"Hm…I was thinking more of, how about we kill all your team except for you, make you watch, and then YOU leave forever!"

"Hm…I don't like that."

"Then we'll just kill you all!"

"Fine, fine. We'll go with your idea!"

"Why?"

"Well, we kinda waste all our weapons trying to make a robot to kill you!"

"Sad! No deal! ATTACK!"

Sarge jumped away from the ledge, as Blue Team opened fire!

Sarge ran inside the base

"We're all going to die!" He announced

"Hide!" Yelled Grif

Sarge hid in the cupboards, Donut in the dryer, Grif under the couch(Even though he didn't quiet fit).

Sarge heard the steps of Blue Team, walking down the hall.

"Oh my God!" He heard Church

"Hey! Fatty, your not fooling no body! Costanza! Take him back to base!"

"What about the rest?" Asked Tucker

"Set the bombs! There will be no trace of Red Team!"

NEAR THE CRASHED PELICAN

Simmons, even though injured, looked at Red Base, he was so close! He slid across the wall. Down at the bottom was Blue Team! Wash stepped out of the base with a thumbs up. They walked away.

He couldn't wait much longer, he made a dash toward the base.

KABOOM!

Bombs filled the inside as fire spread in the base, bombs exploded upwards to the top. The top fell, causing a cave in at the river. A large bomb to finish it off. It was gone. Forever. All of a sudden, he was knocked out.

BLUE BASE

"We won! We won! We still have more battles to win! We won! Next, we have Zanzibar, then Narrows, then Sandbox, then…""Sir, Simmons has escaped!" Wash said

"Then we have Assembly, them…WHAT? We can't have a Red left alive, if there's one alive, it will spread, and spread! We also need a replacement!"

CAVES

Simmons woke up, seeing Grif.

"Sarge, he's awake!"

"Good! Hello Simmons!"Simmons got up.

"Hey, what happened?"

"What do you think happened, they blew up our base!"Sarge said

"Oh no, no, no! Please tell me this is a dream!" He said and punched Grif"

Ow, why'd you do that for?"

"To make sure I wasn't dreaming!"

"Great idea, Simmons!" He said punching Grif up the jaw.

"Nope, no dream!"

"What are we going to do?" "We're going to rebuild!"

BLUE BASE

Sergeant Church stepped in the living room.

"I am proud to present you! Our newest member, Tom!"The same mutant stepped through.

"I just changed his name!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Chapter 6

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 6: The Virus

I don't own Red vs. Blue

The Red Team, the team without a base. They were living in a small cave, no weapons, and only the ground to sleep on. Sarge was pacing back and forth.

"Those dirty Blues! I always knew they could swoop low but not THIS low!"

"Sarge, I was thinking about something." Said Simmons

"What is it?"

"Well, none of this would never happen if it wasn't for the new sergeant. So if we can get rid of him, the blues will be back to normal."

"Great idea, Simmons! But how are we going to get him away from the base?"Sarge looked at Grif

"I think I know how! Grif! Take off your clothes!"

"What?"

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Wash was standing outside of the base, Tucker came up to him.

"Um…Costanza?" He asked

"Hm? Yeah Tucker?"

"Why are we at guard post even though we won?"

"Well Sergeant Church says Simmons might still be alive."

"I'm tired!"

Sergeant Church came up the base.

"Um…I have some bad news and good news!"

"Good news."

"No, good news goes with the bad news. Bad News: I can't find The Red Team's bodies. Good News: They may have disintegrated!"

"So… there's a 50/50 chance they might be alive."

"Yes, they might be under rocks, in caves. We need to dump our nuclear waste, so we can kill two birds with one stone. We can dump the waste under rocks and caves, if we kill them while doing it, all the better! We can also use my new Lung-Crusher gas also!"

"Lung-Crusher?"

"It's a gas I made recently! It gives the person a virus which doctors nor anyone can detect! The symptoms include: Vomiting, diarrhea, large headaches, seizures, memory loss, large doses of radiation, and at the end, the lungs will collapse! Killing them, and did I mention? It's contagious!"

"HEY BLUE TEAM! YOU SUCK!" Came a voice, it was Grif, naked

"Um…where are your clothes?" Asked Tucker

"Sarge, um I mean, I like being naked!"

"They're sergeant's alive?

""Um, bye!" Grif said running away

RED BASE

Grif ran inside

"Wait, Sarge. How is that going to get him away?"

"It's not, I just did it for you can be humiliated!"

"Sarge, they were talking…"

"What about?"

"I don't know! Something called a 'Lung-Crusher'"

"Hm, must be a tank or something. Compared to us, our technology makes us look like cavemen!" Sarge said, looking at Donut, making a fire by rubbing sticks together.

Caboose came in the cave.

"Hi everybody!"

"Caboose! I thought you died!"

"Oh no! I…I Aah…Ahh!"All of a sudden Caboose started moving uncontrollably.

"I think he's having a seizure!" Said Simmons as he tried to keep him still

"Gahshdhdsndnjdjsd" He started crying as he fell on the floor, still twitching uncontrollably.

He stopped. Breathing."Caboose!""Huh, who are you?""I'm Simmons!""Are you OK?""Yeah, just a really bad sneeze. I'm OK Sergeant!"

"I'm Simmons.""Oh yeah!" He said getting up, and falling knocked out.

"What just happened?" Asked Grif

BLUE BASE

"Excellent! We have Caboose to spread the disease! Only I have the cure, when they come begging for it! We'll kill them all! Blue Team shall have it's victory! Now if you'll both excuse me…" He said walking to his office

He walked inside his office, with blue flags and poster supporting the Blue Army. He sat down at his comfy chair, opening his

"Worst enemy Book."

He crossed out

'Red Team'

Under

'Zombie Hitler'

Before

'Zombie Bin Laden'

He looked down at his list he looked at two very important people

"Freelancer Texas aka Tex"

And

"Freelancer Washington aka Wash"

He wrote in something next to Wash

"Freelancer Washinton aka Wash, aka David Costanza."

"Oh, Washinton. You think I'm stupid? No, I'm not. You'll be getting what you deserve soon, traitor."

Church got up, and tore down the "Blue = Good" Poster, to show another poster

"PROJECT FREELANCER" It said

"Oh, don't worry director! You'll have them soon, and I'll have my money and rightful technology also. The technology…THAT BELONGS TO ME! He yelled, laughing evilly.

"All that stands in my way are those two meddling teams! The Nuclear bomb will be ready soon. Leaving no trace of the battle. It's going to be 9/11 all over again! All I need to do is find Tex!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. Chapter 7

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 7: Pretty Please?

I don't own Red vs. Blue

It has been two weeks, ever since the destruction of Red Base. The Reds have been hiding in the caves.

"Oh…" Sarge groaned

"I feel so sick!""Me too, Sarge." Said Simmons before throwing up

"Thanks a lot, Church!" Said Grif

"Do you mean Caboose?" Asked Simmons

"Caboose? Who's that?"

Caboose got up, reading a piece of paper.

"Atetion, Red Team…it is me…ser…sar…Sergeant Church! We gave…Ca…Caboose a…" Caboose tried to read before Simmons grabbed it

"Attention, Red Team, it is me, Sergeant Church. We gave Caboose a virus…your lungs will collapse in about…TWO WEEKS! If you want the cure… come to Blue Base…"

BLUE BASE

"Here you go…sir." Said Tucker, giving the sergeant some punch and Wash a beer.

"Wow…those are the little drinks with the umbrellas in them!"

"Sir, thank you for this break…""Of course…Washington…" He said

"Wait…I'm not…"

"It's OK…you're secret's safe with me!

""Actually…both teams know…"

"Oh, well, I want you to know, hard, good work. Doesn't go unnoticed! I may seem evil at first…and I am! But I'm nice to good, hard working people!"

"Thank you! That means a lot!"

"Your welcome…do you think the virus worked?"

"Maybe there already dead…it HAS been two weeks!"

"Maybe…maybe. You know Washington, I always wanted to be a Freelancer!"

"You have?"

"My uncle…as you know as Church…raised me. He said he was a Freelancer, well, once I found out he lied. I stabbed him with a spoon…then I really was going to join to show him…well stupid director has a age limit! So, I decided…to show him a kid could do him job and be better than him. So I joined…they would have denied me…until I showed them how powerful I REALLY was…""How'd you do that?""We were suppose to fight some guy in hand to hand combat…I ripped his ear off. So that's why I'm here today!"

"How many teams did you command?"

"Seventy Three! All successful!"

"Nice…"

"Is it hard to become a Freelancer…"

"If your well trained…it's a breeze, but I think you can't throw bricks at people!"They both laughed.

_Hm, maybe Sergeant Church isn't so bad after all! _Wash thought

"You know Sergeant Church…"

"Call me Joseph!""

"Call me David…"

"Costanza! I knew that was a fake name when I heard it!"

"How did you know?"

"First off, there's a guy who's last name is Costanza in a show called 'Seinfeld!' and there was a David Costanza in my last squad!"

"Oh…" Said Wash before bursting out laughing…"Hey, Blues!" Called Sarge

"Did you get our note?"

"Yeah! Can we have the cure?""Sure!" He said before tossing down an odd liquid in a bottle

Sarge drank it, gave it to Simmons, Simmons drank it, gave it to Grif, Grif drank it, gave it to Caboose, Caboose drank it, and gave it to the grass.

Everyone had one there mind…until Grif finally said it…"This tastes like pee!"

"Really? Maybe that's because…IT IS URINE!"

The Red Team remained silent…until they spit it all out.

"What a horrible trick! I knew you couldn't trust these blues!"

"I'll give it to you…under one condition…there's a legend…"

"About the Golden AK-47?"

"Hey…shut up! There's a legend about a super solider Spartan…"

"Master Chief?"

"Hey….zip it! There's a legend about a Spartan BEFORE Master Chief…called….Master Chef!"

"Master Chef…"

'They said his armor was made of gold and has diamonds! And her gun shot...brownies! They say she died… getting the index! From Halo's library…bring me her armor and gun…and I'll give you the cure!"

"What if we die of the virus?"

"Here's the real cure, all of you take a pint every day…that should keep you alive. There's a supply of three weeks in there!"

"What if we take it and cure ourselves?"

"That's Cure B…it doesn't get rid of it…it only postpones the death!"

"Where is the library?"

"I don't know! Look for a big building! Bye bye…now get off our property!"

The Red Team walked away… the Sergeant sat down…

"Did you make it up…or is it real?" Asked Wash

"I…have absolutely no idea at all… they'll probably die!"

"Yeah…stupid Reds…"

"Well...be in my office, David...see ya!"

"Bye!"

He walked to his office.

"What a fool he is! Now that we are friends...it will be much easier to kill him!" 

He took out a pistol...  
>"This pistol will work great, it's power can shoot through armor, killing them quickly!"<p>

He opened his laptop.

A voice on his laptop greeted him

"May you please put in the password!"  
>"Nuclear, N-U-C-L-E-A-R!"<br>"Possessing...Prossessing... Hello Joseph how are you today?"  
>(Image a look like F.I.L., only it's a male voice with a British accent)<p>

"I'm very well, Micheal! How are you?"  
>"What would you like me to say, sir?"<br>"Always say your great..."  
>"Possessing...I'm great sir!"<br>"Good...good."

"So...now me and Wash are friends...it will be easier to kill him now!"  
>"That's great sir! And I'm not saying that because I have to!"<br>"You are...aren't you?"  
>"Possessing...prossessing... ERROR...ERROR...unavailable to answer question...wink!"<p>

"Oh...OK! Soon the Nuclear Bomb will be detonated, and I will be getting my money and my technology I worked for all those years for them! And my title! "Agent California!" Doesn't that sound great Micheal?"  
>"Yes it does... sir!"<br>"I can just image it! The Director, giving me my badge! The applause, ALL FOR ME! All I need to do is kill them!"

TO BE CONTINUED 


	8. Chapter 8

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 8: The Really Crazy Chapter with a Whole Bunch of People of Games I played!

I don't own Red vs. Blue or Fallout or Silent Hill or Halo or Monopoly or ANYTHING ELSE!

RED TEAM

They were at the edge of the canyon, getting to the top of those tall stone walls.

The Reds, and Caboose walked through the snowy snow. "Come on! We gotta get to the library!" Said Sarge

"We don't even know where it is!" Said Grif

"Well…according to this map! There's a small settlement to the north, if we keep going forward! We'll make it!"

They continued on… reaching the settlement they looked around.

"Hello…" Said a Blonde Lady with a Black coat

"My name is Claudia! Claudia Wolf…are you here to join The Order?"

"What's The Order? Some police guys?" Asked Sarge

"Sarge!" Simmons whispered in his ear

"They're the crazy cult from Silent Hill! They burn people for fun!""Oh don't worry, I've been in a bunch of Cults!"

"Hey guys!" Came a familiar purple friend

"Doc?" They all asked at once

"Yep! After being released from being Wash's prisoner, I joined The Order…the true faith."

"OK… do you want to join us on an adventure?""Alrighty, let me get my sweater!"

Doc came out and skipped over to Red Team."All right pals! Let's go!"

They walked along the trail…trying to fight the cold, it would have been easier if Doc would shut up about "The True Faith"

"And so Alessa will birth god! And all that believe shall be saved!" he preached

"Wow! Doc that is a good story."

"It isn't a story Caboose…it's the truth!"

"Doc, shut up!" Simmons said

"Very well…god shall show you the truth!

""Oh my God, shut up!"

"Do you not see the truth, Simmons? Your praying to a false god!"

"Doc, shut up!"

"Wait guys…we're reaching another town."

All of a sudden the Monopoly man came up to them!

"Hello everybody! Welcome to Sleepy Ville! Where all we do is sleep!"

"Awesome!" Said Gri

f"Do you have passports?"

"Um…no!"

"Sixty Five."

Sarge paid him the money"

Each…"

"Never mind…"

"Oh…come on Sarge!""No!"

"Well the only way past this place is Shepard's Glen, and that isn't a nice neighborhood."

"Alright!"

A FEW HOURS LATER

They were walking through the foggy town Shepard's Glen.

"Great going Sarge!"

"Shut up Grif…wait. What the…?" Asked Sarge

They looked, the road has been obliterated.

"What do you want?" Came a voice, they turned to see an old man

"How do we get to the other side?" Doc asked

"Use the old building, Dunder Mifflin…"

They walked down the alley. Everyone was scared, but they didn't want to admit it.

All of a sudden Doc's radio started going off. Then a monster came, it was indescribable. It looked like a fleshy body bag.

"Shoot it!""I don't have a weapon!" Said Simmons

"Me neither!" Said Grif

"Uh oh!" Said Sarge

"Don't look at me!"

Sarge looked at a dead body, he grabbed the pistol in front of him, and shot.

The monster stumbled back, and sprayed a liquid, the ground melted. It was acid. Sarge took another shot, it stumbled back again.

"Kill it!" Yelled Simmons, as Sarge shot two more times.

The monster rushed toward them, then fell and died.

Static cleared out on Doc's radio.

They continued on…walking past broken wood and broken down cars.

They stepped on some garbage cans, jumping over the wooden fence.

They kicked down a fence, looked around and continued to the

building.

They walked down the road, reaching the parking lot, cars were flipped over. Over the sign of 'Dunder Mifflin' said 'KEEP OUT!'

They walked inside, tiles and lights, were broken and hanging from the ceiling. The elevator was broken, so they broke through the stairway door.

They walked up the stairs, walking past the broken stairs. Sarge lit a flashlight, looking around.

They walked up some more stairs, the stairway was blocked, so they climbed the rubble. Noticing the building was split I half, they walked the bridge to the other side.

They looked to the side, seeing a shadow…they walked up to it.

"Freeze!" Came a voice, a man in a suit and glasses

"Wow! Calm down!"

"All right! I'll take you to King Michael!"

They walked down a hallway, to see a man in a suit and a newspaper crown. "Ah! Greetings! I am King Michael Scott!"

"Can we pass?" Asked Doc

"Once you do something for me! There is an outcast in my building! Toby Flenderson!"

"Alright…"They walked over to the other side of the building to see a sad guy.

"Hey, you Toby?""Yeah.""Um…the King wanted us to kill you.""You know he's crazy and needs to be stopped…"

BOOM

Sarge already shot Toby.

They went back to Michael,

"Ah, you killed him, very well. You may pass."

They walked through the door, coming out the other end.

"Well, that was fun.""Yeah."

All of a sudden a man came up to them.

"Have you seen a little girl?" He asked

"No…""Oh…..she's probably dead anyways. Can I follow you around?""Sure.""My name's Harry, Harry Mason.""That's a nice name."They continued on…

They walked past the sign of Shepard's Glen, entering Silent Hill.

The rain stopped as Silent Hill was about ten times foggier than Shepard's Glen.

They walked past a café, walking down Bachman road, it was broken down.

They turned on Finney St. and walked down to see the road destroyed, they took a detour toward Levin St.

BLUE BASE

"The Reds have been gone for a few hours.""Yep, they sure have."

All of a sudden a bright light flashed in the middle of the canyon. Two figures emerged.

"Oh, goody! Just like we practiced, men!"

They surrounded the two figures.

"Freeze! This is Blue Team! Drop your weapons, you will be taken into custody and questioned!"All of a sudden one of the figures sprinted toward the sergeant and punched him, sending him back.

Wash kicked the figure in the back, the figure fell and got back up. Wash tried to punch it, but it dodged, it grabbed him and tossed him as Tucker swung his sword, the figure grabbed him hand.

"Ah! Uncle, uncle!"

"Wait?" Said the other figure

"JOSEPH?"Sergeant Church turned and said

"That's Sergeant Church to you! Maggot!"

"You're the sergeant!"

Tucker and Wash nodded in reply.

"Who's this."

"Tex!" She said

Sergeant Church turned.

"I'll be in my office…"

"What's with him and his office!" Tucker said

"How did you get out, you ask?" Church said

"No, your nephew turned our lives into a living Hell!"

"What does he do? Throw bricks at you and make you eat tofu?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, he's happy! One time he bit a man's ear off with his bare teeth."

"Come on…let's go inside." Wash said as they all entered the base.

TO BE CONTINUED


	9. Chapter 9

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 9: The Really Crazy Chapter with a Whole Bunch of People of Games I played! II

I don't own Red vs. Blue or Fallout or Silent Hill or Halo or Monopoly or ANYTHING ELSE!

RED TEAM

They walked down the street.

"How is this the way to the library?"

"I don't know!"They walked past the hospital, wondering where they were, they looked at the map.

Doc's radio started to static up again, as they saw one of those human body bags.

Sarge shot the gun, _tick tick, _the gun was out of ammo.

"We're dead!" Grif yelled

"I can help anyone who's injured" Doc offered before he was sprayed with acid

"Medic! Medic!" He cried

"Look!" Said Donut, pointing to a wall with an axe lodged in it.

Simmons grabbed it, and swung it. Sending the monster back.

Simmons swung it in it's shoulder, it shrieked in pain. It shot some more acid, missing the group, Simmons swung it at his head, decapitating it.

They walked on, afraid of another attack, they decided to split up and meet at the library.

"Alright Grif! You go with Donut!""I don't want to be with him! And how are we going to find the library?"

"Alright then, Negative Nancy! You can go alone!"

At the end it was

Sarge/Simmons

Doc/Donut

And

Grif

Let's start off with Sarge and Simmons making

Siarmmgeons!

They walked in the fog, wondering where to go, they looked down at a pile of blood. They saw a radio, Simmons grabbed it and examined it. Nothing, he grabbed it and they walked down the road.

Now it's

Docnut!

They both walked down the road, wondering where to go.

"This place needs more natural lighting!" Donut examined

They walked down the road looking to the sides.

BLUE BASE

Caboose was crying, Sergeant Church is trying to kill Tucker, Wash passes out, and Church and Tex…just simply shocked how things went to Hell since they left.

Sergeant Church shot his assault rifle at Tucker.

"Why won't you die?" He asked before sitting down

"So, things are pretty hectic! Coffee?"

"Yeah…"

"TEN DOLLARS!"

"Never mind…

""Fine then…cheap skate. So because we have no where to sleep! This is what's happening! I'm staying in the same place, Tex you'll share with Tucker and Church will share with Caboose!"

"Oh no! I'm NOT sleeping even NEAR Tucker…"

"Fine, you three will all share with Caboose."

"Never mind! Tucker's fine!""

"I thought so…stupid"

Sergeant Church got up and chased after Tucker with a frying pan.

BLUE BASE 9:23

Church and Caboose tried to squeeze in the bed.

"Church?" Caboose asked

"What?"

"Can you read me a bed time story?"

"No…"

"Please?"

"Fine, Once there was a retard named Caboose and he died! The end!"

"Church?"

"GO TO SLEEP!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	10. Chapter 10

Red vs. Blue: Church's Nephew

Chapter 8: SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!

I don't own Red vs. Blue…*sigh*

"Okay. Caboose, I changed the covers…again! Please, don't wet yourself! Please!" Church begged

"Okay!" Caboose said

Church got on the bed, stuffing his face in the pillow.

"Church…I'm thirsty."Church screamed in his pillow.

Sergeant Church hit the wall…"Shut up! Some of us are trying to make nuclear bombs! Um…you didn't hear that!"

TUCKER'S ROOM

Tex and Tucker tried to fit in the bed… not easy for a twin sized bed.

"No… you, put your leg their and I'll put my arm here."

THE NEXT DAY

Tucker and Tex were sore, Caboose was and Church were pissed, Wash was normal…and Sergeant Church was Hell-Bent on killing, as always.

"So…where are the Reds?" Asked Tex

"After the armor of Master Chef."

"Oh…wait, what?"

All of a sudden Sergeant Church's whip hit the table.

"Alright, because I'm pissed. You're all doing 200 laps…"Tucker groaned.

"Shut up!"WHAM! A brick slammed against Tucker's head.

"Now hurry up!"

A FEW HOURS LATER

Tex and Wash finished first on a tie, then Church, then Caboose, then…..then…then….Tucker.

All of a sudden a gunshot was heard as a bullet went in front of Wash's face.

"Oops…the safety isn't on. Hey! How about you go behind that rock!"

Wash threw a rock as an explosion blew up.

"Hm, someone must have put a mine behind there. I wonder who did that…hey! Tex, why don't you come inside the base!"

Tex creped toward the entrance. "What's wrong? It's not like a mine is in there!"

Tex stared at him,

"GET INSIDE AND GET IN THE KITCHEN! Bake me a pie or something!"

"You're dead." Said Church

Tex pointed a gun to is head…"He's right…"

"Now, now. You kill me, your dead…BECAUSE I'LL HAUNT YOU!"

Sergeant Church skipped back and forth, making ghost sounds.

12:41 Am

TUCKER'S ROOM

Both Tex and Tucker, still squished, managed to sleep.

A shadowy figure sneaked in the room. He grabbed a knife…and all of a sudden…

"Sergeant?" Asked Tex

"Um, hey! How are you?"

"What are you doing?"

"Um…wondering if you would like a slice of pie?"

"No…"

Sure?""

Yeah…"

"Well…nighty night!"

"Please don't wake me up…again."

"Okey dokey!"

8:21

After Tex explained what happened…

"You should have taken the pie…"

"That's not the point."

"He's trying to kill you" Caboose said

"What? Why?"

"Well he was talking to his computer friend. And he works for Project Freelancer and wants to kill you."

"How do you know?"

"I heard him…"

"You're kidding right?"

All of a sudden a dart struck the wall next to Tex.

Tex looking at the tofu, gave it to the dog.

"When did we get a dog?"

"Don't know."

The dog took a bite of the food, as he wined and ran in circles and died.

"Hmm…the food was poisoned…I wonder who did that.""Yeah…I wonder."

The Sergeant walked to his office.

He sat down opening his laptop.

His computer friend Michael came up.

"May you please put in the password."

"Nuclear, N-U-C-L-E-A-R"

"Possessing…hello Joseph! How are you today!""

Great! How are you Michael?" "Great sir!"

"I need them dead! Any suggestions?"

"Possessing…possessing…well, there is the air ducts."

"Maybe…wait? Air ducts?"

"Yes, Washington has his door locked at night."

"I know what I'll do!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	11. Chapter 11

Red vs. Blue

Chapter 9: The Truth...not really...

I don't own Red vs Blue

* * *

><p>RED TEAM:<p>

Grif cried tears of joy, there it was the library!

"I'm so happy!"

Sarge opened the doors...locked.

"Why God? Why do you hate me?"

"You're fat, stupid and lazy!" Sarge replied

"Look! A note!" Doc said

Sarge looked at it.

_Ha ha ha ha! La la loo! I hid the key from you!_

BLUE BASE:

"Um...war! W-A-R" Tex guessed

"Possessing... incorrect, please try again."

"Try blue!" Tucker suggested

"Blue, B-L-U-E."

"Incorrect."

After an hour of guessing Sargent Church's password, they couldn't come up with anything, Sargent Church was looking for nuclear waste.

"It doesn't take long long to look for nuclear...NUCLEAR! Try nuclear!"

"Nuclear...N-U-C-L-E-A-R."

"Possessing... correct! Hello Joseph! How is the smartest kid doing?"

"Access the last three data files and put them on disk F." Tex said putting a flash drive in the tower...

"Done."

"Shut off."

Goodbye."

They rushed to Tex's computer, placing the flash drive in

"Alright, first one, text document."

All it was, was rhymes for the annual Jolerders Coffee rhyme contest.

Second was about forming a Blue fan-Club.

Third was a voice document

(**Bold **for Micheal, regular for Joseph)

"So, it seems Tex and her puppy dog, Church has come back, how very convenient! Now I won't have to go all over the ring looking for her."

"**Excellent, sir."**

"Now all I need to do is...well...how can I kill them? I got it! I put poison in the air ducts."

"**Yes, sir. It'll be perfect!**"

"When I give the codeword, 'Lion' shut all the doors. And Tex, you think I'm stupid? I was planning on this! Now you'll all die!"

"Lion!" Came a voice and the doors shut.

Tex slammed on the doors.

Tex barged it open as two men opened fire, Tex rushed towards them, kicking one, his head slamming in the TV. Wash punched the other.

"Get them you idiots!"

They rushed outside to see the Red Team,

"You sons of...there was no Master Chef! Oh God it's Tex!" Sarge said

The soldiers opened fire, Red Team took cover.

"Who the Hell are these guys?"

"Probably Freelancer mercs."

Joseph ran towards the pelican.

"Son of a... where's the hornet?"

He turned to take out his SMG and opened fire at Tex.

He took out his detonator.

"Not so fast! You attack, I'll blow this place sky high!"

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
